So many changes in such a short time

I finally have a little bit of a break! Time to eat these yummy Rainier cherries that my wonderful husband picked up for me at the grocery store because I couldn't tear myself away from my books and notes. Time to watch those dark monsoon clouds roll in over the mountains, bringing thunder, lightning, and the promise of rain. Just a few days to savor, to do my own thing and maybe even bake a little! Perhaps I should even work on those knitting projects that I've promised! Come Monday, I go to the hospital to start my clinicals and I couldn't be more excited! For now, I'm quite content with the view out my window, laptop on my lap. Because I'm such a horrible writer, here are the changed we've experienced this past month in bullet form:

• Losing Sammy. It's been a huge adjustment getting used to living without a demanding, needy pup.
• Nursing school. It's been a time-consuming, not to mention, life-consuming change. Poor Jon is on his own for the most part on the weekends. I also have not chopped a single onion, used the garlic press, or turned on the oven since the second week of school. 
• We moved! We are new homeowners of a Southwest style house. We've been wanting a house of this style since we moved to Arizona. You can't have a house like this back home in Washington (especially for the price we got it for)!
• We took in another dog. I really wasn't happy about this and felt really pressured to agree with it. But over crying many tears of frustration I decided to agree to it, since it would be helping out my father-in-law. Jon's parents moved to Malaysia at the beginning of this month and couldn't take the dogs. The airline wanted $6000 for one dog! I'm still not crazy about the dog, but I've warmed up a little to him. I just feel like it's WAY to soon after Sammy died. Right now I feel like I can't love another dog the way I love Sammy. This dog is also SOOO different from him. Here's the mutt, Dakota:

Well, that's all for now. I promised myself not to make a long post. I hope to share more later this week!

Nursing school: Week 1

I survived my first week! Let me tell you, it feels WAAAY longer than a week. It seriously feels like it's been at least two! And....only 55 weeks left.

We're going through so much, so fast. I've read sooo much already, much more than I'm accustomed to reading, especially since it's been 7 years since I went to school full time. We had to read several chapters to prepare for the first lectures. It's been nonstop since then. 

Another thing is learning all the lingo. The professors forget they're talking to (some) people with no nursing experience at all. Much like in the Army, nurses love to use acronyms. It would have been nice to get an explanation the first time a particular idea was talked about. Unfortunately, I was so overwhelmed with reading and didn't want to take too much time to look something up that I pretty much just guessed with some words. After a week though, I've learned the meaning behind NANDA (North American Nursing Diagnosis Association), NOC (Nursing Outcomes Classification), NIC (Nursing Interventions Classification), and SBAR (format followed when speaking to a physician about a situation that requires immediate action). I really had no idea there was a standard language in nursing. I am so grateful that SBAR exists, though, because I'm soooo intimidated doctors! I think I would always feel like I was bothering them since they're always go go go!

I'm also (finally) getting comfortable with the actual process of diagnosis, outcomes, and interventions. We have a health promotion contract using these skills due on the 25th and I think I'm about to get started on that. I've already "interviewed" Jon and had him fill out a wellness profile. Now that I looked over a sample, I feel that this can be accomplished easily.

As for actual skill, I've had 2 labs this week and can now take vitals (temperature, heart rate, respiration rate, and blood pressure) and perform a shift assessment. We were just introduced to the shift assessment today and will be tested over it next Friday already! Lots of practice in my future. Oh, and modesty is really not an option. After just a week of knowing each other, we had to strip down to our skivvies and get assessed by our fellow students. Unexpectedly, I had no problem with it. All for a greater cause, right? We're not here to judge!

And there's my week! Now, I need to do some reading ahead of time to avoid another meltdown (there was already one this week). Hope everyone has a great weekend!

Bury My Head

I almost feel like it, but really, it's just Kate Walsh's song that I'm obsessed with at the moment. I can listen to it on repeat for hours! I love her :)

Today was spent at my orientation for my accelerated nursing program. The program has yet to start, and I'm already feeling a little overwhelmed! Orientation itself wasn't bad, and I really enjoyed meeting my fellow cohorts. One little example of how accelerated the program is just scared me. The same skills for nursing assessment that traditional students complete in one semester will be done in 2 weeks! And this is why I'm not working.

I thought it would be fun to show you all the book stack I have going on for this program. When I got the book list I had a little panic attack, thinking there would be more lists like this in the future. Fortunately, we will only be required to purchase a couple more books throughout the program, according to the nice women in the medical bookstore

Tuition for nursing school: $28,000

Nursing textbooks: $1000

Health and background clearances: $100

Having to lug big-ass textbooks around for 14 months: priceless

Right?

Nevertheless, I'm excited.

In other news, we're moving soon. We made an offer on a house way out in Vail and should close on it by the end of the month. It's a beautiful Southwest style house and is 2200 square feet. Being out in the middle of nowhere has its advantages. I really do miss being able to sit out in my backyard and watch the stars and the space station occasionally make an appearance. Dark skies outside the city make this possible again. Plus, this backyard is huge. A big pile of dirt until we do something with it, but huge nonetheless. A picture from the real estate agent's website

Jon is just ecstatic about the 3-car garage, a major selling point for him. :)

We've been in a major battle with the property management company that's managing the house we're renting. The house is up for a short sale and they didn't want them to let us out of our lease because the owner "really needs that money." We just didn't like being stuck in a house that may go into foreclosure. Nothing we could do there, signed contract and all. But the management company went overboard wanting us to show the house for them. Excuse me? Don't they have people whose jobs are dedicated to doing this? Did you just ask us to get off of work earlier just so we could show the house that you are selling? Am I getting your 3% cut for this? Because you certainly aren't doing a thing to get this house sold! How is a renter obligated to have his number on the MLS and to receive after-hour calls from real estate agents who want their clients to see the house, like, now? They wouldn't take our number off the MLS as a contact number. After a couple screaming matches between Jon and the landlord, we finally were offered a month-to-month lease in exchange for showing the house. They don't know we made an offer on a house. Shhhh!!!

They also don't know about Sammy. They still think we have an awful, fear-aggressive dog that prohibits them from putting a lock box on our door. My poor baby. At least he's home now. The last picture in my "Sammy" album.....too sad.

Yes, I've decided I don't care if you know my name. 

I can't help but still expect to see that furry face greet me when I come home. Or see a pair of puppy eyes boring into me as I stir from my sleep. Just typing that out is making me cry. But overall, thinking about him makes me happy. Call me crazy, but I still talk to him. I feel like he hasn't left because I just feel him. It's not always enough though, when I want more than anything to give him a great, big bear hug and a nice loud kiss. Then I laugh when I think that he hated that. I love my Sammy just the way he was.

The recent loss is the reason I took it so hard when my mom told me last night that she's putting my aunt's dog down. He's an old boy, blind and deaf and barely able to walk. It's time. I could hear the hurt in my mom's voice as she told me though. My aunt's been crying a lot about it and it just kills me how hurt everyone is. It's all too fresh for me.

I didn't mean to end on a sad note. Just so much that's been going on. And my absence from the blog community has been long. Looks like I'll be in and out because I'll have a lot to do come Monday! Oh wait. What am I talking about? They already gave us a ton of reading to do in preparation for our first class on Monday! Have a good weekend all!

In loving memory

I want to thank everyone for their kind words. I can't believe it's been 4 days without Sammy and I'm already getting used to not having him around.  I guess it's because we've been forcing ourselves to adjust to life without him. The day after Sam-dog passed, Jon already put his bowls away, washed his bed cover and blankie and put them away, put all his toys away, and picked up his poop. For me it was too early....I wanted to hang on to him as long as I could. It's clear that we have different ways of coping. Where Jon wants to put everything away so he doesn't think about him, I wanted all of it around to remember him and, I suppose, to wallow in my grief for longer.

I still have my moments, though. Not a day goes by where I haven't cried for my baby. Random things will be too overwhelming for me, such as doing yoga yesterday morning. The last time I did yoga Sammy was still with us. I would get up early and take Sammy out to the living room with me so his daddy could sleep in. He would be right under my feet as I was in a pose and I'd have to move him because I couldn't go into the next pose. Anytime I was on the floor, he would come up to me and lie down right next to me, with his head on me. He'd look so cute as he looked at me expectantly this way. I remembered all this yesterday and was overcome with sadness and emptiness. After I was done I went to his bed, which still smells like him, and cried and talked to him and God. I still feel him around me.

I'm definitely healing, but I'm afraid of forgetting. So I've decided to compile a list of my favorite things that made Sammy who he was:

• He's always been demanding and persistent. Jon and I lost a lot of sleep when he was a puppy because he would not stop barking when we put him in his crate for the night.
• He slept underneath the bed until he absolutely could not fit under there anymore.
• Without fail, he hid whenever he heard the shower go on. When he was younger when we wanted to bathe him, he would hide under the bed and we would have to drag him out of there. This was a two person job!
• More recently, if he knew bath time was imminent he would forego the hiding and immediately jump into the bath tub. The day Jon came home for R&R he wanted to take a shower after the long trip. Sammy thought it was his bath time even though he had just had one and without any indication on our part, he jumped into the shower, bandanna and all. He just sat in there while Jon took his shower.
• He's the only dog I've had that actually plays fetch. He used to bring the ball back and actually drop it on to our laps for us to throw it for him again.
• He kicked his little feet up after he went to the bathroom.
• The way he used to bark softly when he was ready to come back in.
• He used to watch TV and especially loved the Dog Whisperer.
• How he hated when mommy and daddy would lift his top lip up to mock him baring his teeth. When he saw me getting ready to do this he would yank his head away.
• He used to go into his "box" (crate) on command. Sometimes he'd even go in there when he knew that mommy was angry with him.
• How submissive he was whenever I greeted him when I came home or even in the mornings when we woke up. 
• When I caught him doing something naughty, all I would have to do was point at the evidence and say in a low voice, "What is this?" for him to hang his head down and be submissive.
• When he was submissive his ears would lie flat on his head and he would lick his little chops.
• He was never an affectionate dog, but he knew mommy loved getting little kisses from him and I actually trained him to give them when I asked for them! 
• He tolerated hugs from mommy.
• He wasn't a little pig when it came to eating. He would eat a little bit of food and drink water, then lie back down. In a little while he would go back and eat.
• He used to eat when we left, which we thought was weird. Later, he didn't eat when we left.
• He didn't eat his own food until he knew for sure that he wasn't getting any table scraps.
• When we did give him table scraps, he would sit down while we were putting it in his bowl and would sit there, even for up to a minute, until we told him "Eat".
• He turned around 3 times before plopping down on his bed.
• Sometimes I'd wake up in the middle of the night and I'd see him up and looking at himself in the mirror.
• He used to look at me through the mirror. When I caught him doing this I'd always start acting crazy, causing him to turn around and look at me. Who says dogs don't recognize reflections?
• I'd sometimes wake up in the morning to find him behind the bedroom curtain, looking out the window.
• He figured out pretty soon that when mommy got in the shower he could lie on the bed without her knowing, as long as he jumped off when she got out. I knew because of all the fur it left behind, and if I smoothed the covers there would be puppy imprints on the quilt.
• He wouldn't jump on the couches if we put pillows, magazines, or blankets over them. The day before he died, though, we found that he had actually moved the blanket over so he could lay in his favorite spot.
• Whenever he heard the laptop snap shut he would jump up and look at me expectantly, knowing it was bed time.
• Whenever I got the laptop out in the mornings and sat down to breakfast he would immediately look up at the ceiling, looking for the reflective light that he loved to chase around.
• How he'd give me "crooked lip" when I said key words such as "walk", "roof rack", or other random words.
• His "hole chest". (Just his fur pattern there)
• He was always waiting at the door when we came home.

My dear, sweet Sammy

I regret to write that Jon and I have lost our sweet, furry baby, Sammy, yesterday afternoon. It came with no warning and so all of a sudden. I still don't understand why. Jon and I had left the house for only a few hours to wander around the mall and get some lunch. By the time we came back home, my Cham-Cham was gone.

When I opened the door to the house there was no one there peeking his nose out the door and wagging his tail to welcome me home. Of course, I was immediately worried and confused because he's ALWAYS there to welcome us home. With great trepidation, I slowly stepped my way into the house, afraid of what I was going to find. I found him in the living room but I froze before I got to him, my vision blurry and I not fully comprehending what I saw. I called out to Jon behind me, my words falling before I could get it all out as I finally understood what was going on, "I think something's wrong!" We ran forward at the same time, hoping for the best but knowing better. I heard myself start to scream, but I felt like I had no control over myself. This was my worst nightmare coming into play--my mind in it's darkest place during Jon's deployment would wander to this possibility.

As Jon pulled it together enough to prepare the car and call the vet, I stayed with my dog, weeping over his lifeless body and stroking his fur. I told him how sorry I was for the bath that morning, for not letting him up on the bed and couch more often, for not giving him enough walks, or giving people food to him more often. But mostly, I told him how sorry I was for not being there for him in his greatest time of need, and how much it hurt to know that he passed while he was all alone. I told him how I loved him and I hoped he knew just how much.

I'm really going to miss my baby. I still can't believe he's gone. This wasn't how things were supposed to work out. I had planned on watching him grow into an old boy, seeing how he would have been with the babies when they came. I had planned on many doggy birthdays to celebrate

Many years of his hiding every time we turned the shower on and giving him baths

Many years of him grabbing every opportunity to get up on the couch or bed when Mommy wasn't looking or when Daddy snuck him on

So to my dear, sweet Sammy, your Mommy and Daddy love you very much. We always joked about what a pain you were, but all that was well worth it to have you in our lives. We know now that no matter what we have planned out for our lives, all that doesn't matter because God has his own plans. God sent you to us for a purpose, and you have fulfilled that purpose and now are back at His side. You have gone to somewhere we could not follow and that hasn't been easy on us. We miss you greatly and it's going to take a while to heal from this emptiness we both feel. We're going to miss how you used to chase "the light," how you used to steal Daddy's dirty socks from his boots and happily hop around the living room, how you used to jump up on the bed when Mommy got in the shower and promptly jumped off as soon as the water was turned off, the sound of your eating and drinking, your demands for a walk, and how you used to stare at us in the mornings when we stirred, as if willing us to open our eyes and get up to let you out.

To all of you that have pets, please go hug them a little longer, spoil them a little bit more, and never take for granted any moment you have with them. Life is short and should be lived to the fullest.

Winding down

Wow, it's really been a while since I last even logged into my poor blog account. I've just been unmotivated to blog, but I've been trying to keep up with everyone else's blogs, hence the scattered comments. I've also been really busy.

I took the BSL for Health Care Providers class last week. It started bright and early at 8 am and we didn't get out until 1 pm....one hour late. It was a pretty full class and there was only one instructor, who happened to be a hot EMT :) So now I'm fully certified. Funny, I've never taken a CPR class in my life.

Last night I stayed up until almost 1 am making those wonderful color flow insignia patches I made for Jon's cake when he came home for R&R. Looking at that picture now I see how crappy those two are that I made last night. Whatever, I was waaay too tired to care. Do you know how your legs and feet hurt after standing in an all-tile kitchen for three and a half hours straight? (Don't ask me why it took that long). I must really love my husband to do this for him! These patches will go on the cake we are taking to his change of command ceremony. He asked me if I wanted to do the cake and I told him to just buy my "blank canvas." If I weren't working, I'd be more than willing to dedicate my time to making him a yummy, pretty cake. But for now we're settling on a Costco cake.

Speaking of work, I'm in my last week....yay! My last day is on Friday. I've taken special note of many "lasts" that I've had in the last two weeks. My last group lab meeting presentation, my last lab meeting, my last Western blot I did yesterday. I wipe my hands clean! I have to be honest, though. I did get a little sad when I didn't see my name in the new schedule of presenters for group lab meeting, and this is something everyone begrudgingly does to our PI's request. 

I'm not actually leaving for good. I've agreed to stay on part time as a "consultant" since we have no money to hire someone to pay me. Our grant didn't get funded the first time and my PI has to apply for bridge funding so I'm leaving at a good time! My poor PI has confessed to sleepless nights as a result of my resignation. I feel bad, but it's time for me to move forward and the lab will go on without me. I'll only be working 1-2 hours a week, and only agreed to this because I'll quite literally be right next door.

OK, I always end up writing more than I intended. I will be getting yellow roses for Jon's change of command. Guess who has to go buy them? :) Hope everyone has a good evening...I've missed being a part of the blogging community!

Pima or Egyptian? Maybe just some nice china!

The big news here in Tucson is how we broke 100-degrees. Whoopty-do....that only means we've got a long summer ahead of us. Where did spring go?

Well, bloggy friends, I feel like I'm teetering on the edge of the blogosphere. I just don't have as much time to keep up with this! So, unfortunately, posts most likely will be few and far between. Priorities really change when you're actually sharing your living space with your spouse! When I get home from work I mainly want to unwind with my husband and get dinner taken care of as soon as possible since the guy is going to bed at 9 every night! I still feel like I don't get much time with him, even though things were about the same before the deployment. It's been 3 months since Jon came back home and I still can't get enough of him! How am I supposed to get myself to the gym after work when he's at home waiting for me? I'm just going to have to do it.

Speaking of gym, my physical therapist is going to try me out running on the treadmill next week. It's been about 3 months since I last run (gulp!) so my aerobic fitness is waaay down. We've been working on my core strength and strengthening the muscles in my legs. The exercises that once caused pain, no longer do or barely do so. I hope I'll be able to run! 

In the meantime, Jon and I have been recovering from a bad cold. This past Tuesday was our 2-year anniversary, hence the title of my post! Can you believe my wonderful husband actually took the initiative and looked up the traditional gift for 2 years? I didn't even think of that! We exchanged gifts the Saturday before our actual anniversary and were supposed to go out for dinner, but ended up eating a huge lunch that day. I got a set of "china." We've been eyeing a set at Crate and Barrel, but have been hesitant about dropping the money for it. So Jon went to the PX and got me a nice white set that I liked, just so we'd have a nice complete set if we ever have company (highly unlikely with our Sammy). He also got me a nice Patagonia dress that I fell in love with when I saw it at our local outdoor supply store.

Isn't it pretty? I never really expected to find a dress at this store. I'm just not into outdoorsy clothes to wear on an everyday basis. This dress has made me rethink this. I think I'll be wearing it at Jon's Change of Command in a couple weeks. 

So, what did I get my husband? I bought a nice organic cotton sheet set and he also got a nice pair of comfy shorts at the same store we got the dress. Nothing too exciting. We'll be going out for dinner this Saturday to celebrate.

OK so another reason I will be making few appearances here is because I've been trying to knit more. Remember my giveaway? I just barely started Sara's Elefante. I've had the yarn for a while now, but I've been wanting to finish one before starting hers, so she doesn't end up with a piece of poo. I finally finished my "test" Elefante after the setback due to my cold. Even before I started it, I had decided that it would go to our niece, Tilly. So I didn't want any cold virus laced into this cuddly little elephant. 

Success! Well, I think so at least! I think Tilly will love it! 

I just have to add here, I wanted a collage of all these shots but didn't know how to do it with no Photoshop on the Mac. I'm so glad that I checked back with Picasa because they now have a Mac (beta) version! I love this version waaaay more than their first one! Like in the previous version, you can make a picture pile collage, but you can now move your pictures around the way you want. In the previous PC version you didn't have much control and it was really frustrating, hence my boring straight collages. 

All right. Off to join my hubby in bed. I love how he hates going to bed without me. I started going to bed with him after going to bed my usual time and he declared after a week that he was "sick of going to bed alone." I let him down tonight to post on my blog, but I just couldn't sleep when I went to bed so early last night....and I really miss watching Jimmy Kimmel! With that, hope everyone has a good night!