Friday, February 27, 2009

Body image issues

I think I've already touched on my body image issues in one of those "about me" posts. It was in fourth grade that I actually became conscious of my body, and in my opinion that's too young, although this happens a lot earlier to children today (not even getting into that).

That being said, I've been feeling humongous lately. I haven't been getting the exercise my body needs and since Jon came home, any semblance of a healthy diet has gone out the window. I've been eating out more because I actually have someone to eat with! While Jon was gone, I wouldn't go out to eat very often because I refuse to eat alone. That left me with having to deal on those nights when I couldn't cook because I came home late from the gym or was too busy baking. Those nights I ate a bowl of cereal or threw some cheese into a couple rolled up corn tortillas. A guy cannot eat like this, so we sometimes resort to outside sources. Last night it was Pizza Hut's dinner buffet. And no, I didn't even go to the gym last night. Neither of us felt like cooking.

It doesn't make matters any better that I can't even run. I think that is probably the only reason I'm upset about it right now; the injury couldn't have come at a worse time because when I'm feeling bad about my body I like to strap the running shoes on and pound out my frustrations. Even when I'm injury free it's really hard for me to stay motivated enough to go out for a run here because I need pretty scenery while my mind wanders. The city of Tucson (and most cities in Arizona) aren't very pretty cities. I don't know who decided that miles and miles of strip malls and mini-highways for streets were a good idea. Back in Seattle, I'd be happy running in the city because no matter where I lived, there was always a good place to run! I was so against driving to my running destination and that is just what I have to do here. On top of that, I think I just need trees and greenery.

Running is so easy because all you need is a good pair of shoes and you're good to go. There's no equipment needed, you don't really need to drive anywhere, and it's free! Don't even get me started on cardio machines! I've done it all (thanks to previous injuries): stationary bike, stair master, treadmill, elliptical trainer, rowing machine, you name it. I have one word for you: B.O.R.I.N.G!! I'd be happy doing something else, but I just checked the schedule for group classes at the AFB and there really isn't much to pick from. The only class in the morning I can go to is Spinning at 7, which is a little late for me and to be honest, I have zero interest in spinning. Then the next class isn't until 11! Evening classes are sparse too! Do a lot of these AF wives not have jobs that the majority of the classes are during the work day? I wonder the gym on post is any better. Probably not, and it is 75 miles away so it's not even an option. I might need to cave for another gym membership.

OK, so the result of all this is the general unhappiness I feel towards my body. I do not like what I see in the mirror. Well, I've come to accept and love my muscular legs, when at one time I hated how big they were. I've got the arm wave down to a minimum--my triceps are actually stronger than my biceps now and they are my favorite part of my body I like to develop. My butt is the second. My genes have decided that I'm not supposed to have an ass. What little I do have is a result of hard work. It's the whole middle part of my body that I hate. I've been battling the back fat and the fat around the midsection for a long while now. I'm just genetically predisposed to gain weight in those areas! Let me just list what I hate about my body:

Back fat--I can seriously grab a handful at each side

Stomach fat--another two handfuls

Fat right above the hips--you guessed it....two more handfuls for ya

I just measured myself yesterday (tape measurers don't lie!) Looking at the actual numbers, it doesn't look that bad, but looking at my reflection, I really don't like! Thankfully, I don't gain weight in my hips. They're 37 inches right now (Latina hips!) My waist is 29.5 inches, but I've never had a small waist. I think I wouldn't be able to get smaller than 28, maybe 27 inches. Jean sizes don't lie either. Speaking of sizes, I really wish they would universalize them! If I buy a pair of junior's pants, depending on the brand, I'm anywhere between a 7 and 11. No joke, if the brand says I'm a size 11 I don't buy them! Women's sizes, I'm between a 6 and 8. The sizes themselves don't sound too bad either, but I'm 5'4" and remember I do have issues with my body! I fully admit that right from the beginning.

Bottom line, I just want to get leaner and I don't know how to do that right now. There's just nothing like burning lungs and rhythmic pounding of pavement to help me feel better about myself, and that's just not happening right now. All I need to be happier, I think, is a good workout!


erika said...

hey there - i hear ya - i have similar issues and seem to gain in all the same places - that lovely "inner tube" that seems to grow around my waist/stomach area. charming image, i know.

All it takes is a little motivation, i guess. Good luck!

. Becca . said...

OMG, I feel like I could have written this post. I LOOK thin, but I'm one of those skinny fat people. Seriously. It ain't pretty in a swimming suit, people. Is it just because we're getting "older?" Ugh. I've been in a major Debbie Downer mood about my body lately too. Eww.

Samecia. said...

Eating healthier things helped me. I've felt exactly the same at one point. I stopped eating after 9 and I guess tricked my mind:)

and workouts help to;)

loquita said...

I have been feeling so blah about my body lately too... I wrote a whole post the other day about it, and then never published it... Seems like Sara has been going through the same type of thing too. Is it just the spring time? It is the fact that the husbands are home now for all of us? I dunno...

It is such a bummer about your knee and running... Ugh. What about workouts that you can do at home? I was totally into the video thing for a while -- it's a lot like taking classes at the gym. I'm going to email you a few that I could mail out to you to borrow and see if you like them. If you want.


jlc said...

Your comment was SO sweet before. They truly make my day.

As for the humungous feeling. I got that feeling when the hubby came home and we were eating out ALL the time. I was just "fitter" in the summer and I wish he saw that when he got back. It doesn't matter what size you are.... it depends on how the clothes fit. It's soooo hard to be motivated when the boys are back home, but you can do it!

It was totally our second honeymoon when he was here and I gained 6 lbs haha! I'm assuming that's going to be our case for redeployment as well huh? Eating feasts, etc?

Hang in there! It's work but I know you can get back to that stage again.