Weaving the golden thread: What's purple and blue and brown all over?

Me! I bruise so easily and I hate it. It doesn't help that I'm such a klutz. I'm constantly running into things. As a result, my legs and hips always have those telltale blue splotches somewhere or other. I swear if people didn't know any better they'd think my husband was beating me (kind of hard from over 7000 miles away)! Well, Sammy helped me out in that department last weekend. I signed us up for some behavior classes. You see, Sammy is very intimidated by everyone except for Jon and I. This dog goes through life thinking everyone is out to get him. He acts very aggressively towards all strangers, barking nonstop complete with standing hair and even activated anal gland (yuck!). The result is a lonely me, wishing I could have people over for dinner or drinks or whatever. I'm a recluse because of this dog.

Well I say, "No more!" and hopefully Sammy gets better, but if he keeps up the way he's going now, I'm going to have permanent bruising all over my legs. When the trainer is working with him, he is wearing a cage muzzle, made out of plastic. When I'm walking him with this thing on, Sammy likes to rub his snout against my left leg to try to get the damned thing off, resulting in black and blue legs for Tania. See the following picture below

And that's just a couple of bruises. The others were too green to show up on camera. But seriously, my lower left leg was a canvas of Sammy's abuse. I was pissed, considering I had a wedding to attend the next day. Now I was limited to a long dress to cover all his work! I have to admit, I unknowingly added a lot more purple and blue myself. When I got home from the wedding I gasped as I took my shoes off. On my left foot right at the knuckle of my big toe was a big splotch of purple that didn't belong, accented by a black horizontal line. I thought that black line was dirt at first and I tried rubbing it clean in vain. When I felt a dull pain in that spot, I realized it was another bruise! The camera wouldn't capture this, but it is ugly! The shoes I wore aren't painful unless I stand in them too long, but that pain is targeted at my arches and back, never so visible like now!