I had to use this post title after I woke up this morning thinking, Wow I'm almost back to normal. I couldn't believe those first thoughts after they registered. Living without my husband has become the norm for me. It just made me sad....and a little jealous of those married couples that don't have to go through this. To many others, all this is far from normal.
Things still aren't all the way back to "normal," but I'd say I'm about 60% there. It's hard for me to think that he was just here no more than 30 hours ago. I guess 18 days wasn't enough for me to turn survival mode off, thankfully. Yesterday wasn't nearly half as bad as what I went through the very first day of this deployment. The way I felt, coming down from those amazing 18 days, was similar to how I felt after a huge family get-together during the holidays when I was a child.
We don't have family here in the States (they're all in Peru), but we had a lot of close friends that I consider family. I remember being so happy when everyone was over. All our celebrations included lots of good food, loud music, and when the adults got happy, dancing. Meanwhile I'd be downstairs with all my friends playing throughout the night. When the parents called downstairs for their kids to get ready to leave, we didn't pay any attention because not a minute later the music resumed and the overhead pounding continued. Once we heard quiet from upstairs, we knew our parents were serious. The day after our huge get-togethers I always felt down and missed everyone already.
So yesterday was a come down from the high produced from those feel-good hormones during Jon's visit. My heart was heavy and I felt down. I'm a nerd so I was thinking about those hormones and neurotransmitters affecting mood. I wonder if in my down moods those levels are abnormally low. Maybe back in my childhood they were because I seriously suffered the same lows that I suffer when my husband leaves me.
I was planning on running the Tucson Half Marathon this morning, to help myself recover after Jon's departure. That is one way I cope with sadness: running. It never fails to lighten my mood. In fact, that is exactly what I did last deployment when Jon had to leave after R&R. I was hopeless and in a pathetic state of mind so I forced myself to lace up those running shoes and go for a 4 mile run. It works wonders and I swear by it. This morning, however, I chose to forego the half marathon, especially because I aggravated my IT band after a measly 3 mile run with Jon last Wednesday. I don't think 13.2 miles would have been good, especially since it's been 2 years since I ran such a distance and I've been doing zero conditioning and training for the race.
Sorry for the random post! The next ones will be better. But I need to get some motivation to upload my pictures from our trip to Vegas and organize them. Hope everyone enjoys the rest of their weekends! Back to the daily grind tomorrow!