Saturday, December 6, 2008

And he's off

This sight made me cry this morning, and I thought to snap a picture of it.

It always happens that departure day comes too soon, huh? It's crazy how 18 days can fly by so fast. And I was crazy to think, back at day 1 of R&R that saying goodbye to him again would be cake because I've got surviving separation down to an art. I started clinging to him on Tuesday, upon realization that I only had 3 full days left with him. His imminent departure would bring tears to my eyes at random times of the day, but he would know why I was crying. I try not to show him how hard it is for me because I know it's already hard enough for him to leave as it is, but I'm a very emotional person.....unlike him.

But today I got to see that this is really hard for him too. I always got the feeling that this separation was easier for him, but today I could see that it killed him to leave me this morning. I could see it in his face, hear it in his voice, and realize it when he reached for me. It was really hard to let him go, and I did not stay behind to watch his plane take off like I did when he first left. I booked it home and was still able to hear it take off (we live that close to the airport).....right on time. I just went right back to bed, not wanting to face the empty house at the moment.

It was fitful sleep that I got, full of dreams of sitting at the airport....and his face....and his voice. I'm so used to him being there that every time I woke up I was surprised to find his side of the bed empty. I just turned over and went back to sleep again to avoid the realization. It was just a little awful to wake up alone.

You have to get up sometime, though. And I need a day to myself, to mope and look like crap and just get it out of my system. And I have lovely Jem to accompany me. The two songs I posted on my blog echo true to how I feel, so they provide me with an outlet...and some comfort. Tomorrow, it's back to my solitary routine. I foresee lots of baking as distraction and for the holidays, less eating as I've gained some weight, and lots of catch up knitting for Christmas presents.

There is a silver lining to all this, though. At the end of this R&R we only have a little over 2 months left of this tour! December, to me, doesn't count because I know it's just going to fly by because I need more time to finish knitting and baking Christmas presents. Then there's January and the short month of February, and he's back home sometime in March!

6 comments:

Rebecca said...

I found your blog through Loquita's blog. I can't imagine what you're going through. We haven't had to go through a deployment. Yet.

Love your blog! Do you mind if I add you to my blog roll?

Casey said...

Talk about a rough day! You should totally take a day or two for yourself to mope and pout (and drink!). And, you are right about the next few months going by fast. It will be here before you know it. Stay strong! :)

d.a.r. said...

Awww, pout and mope as much as you need to!! That dread feeling is just the worst thing out there. I am actually really nervous for that part of R&R, despite how much I really want my husband to come home!

Hang in there! You are SOOOO close to being done!

.Becca. said...

Awww, man! I hate when I see stuffed sea bags sitting there by our front door. :(

Just found your blog, I LOVE the pictures in your header, did you take them??

jlc said...

Just found out! Ha. That was sooo smart of you to leave R&R for the end part. We're doing that too.

I'm glad to hear that he'll be back SO soon. He'll be back into your arms in no time. :)

Jaime said...

I'm hoping the time passes quickly until he is back home with you!