It always happens that departure day comes too soon, huh? It's crazy how 18 days can fly by so fast. And I was crazy to think, back at day 1 of R&R that saying goodbye to him again would be cake because I've got surviving separation down to an art. I started clinging to him on Tuesday, upon realization that I only had 3 full days left with him. His imminent departure would bring tears to my eyes at random times of the day, but he would know why I was crying. I try not to show him how hard it is for me because I know it's already hard enough for him to leave as it is, but I'm a very emotional person.....unlike him.
But today I got to see that this is really hard for him too. I always got the feeling that this separation was easier for him, but today I could see that it killed him to leave me this morning. I could see it in his face, hear it in his voice, and realize it when he reached for me. It was really hard to let him go, and I did not stay behind to watch his plane take off like I did when he first left. I booked it home and was still able to hear it take off (we live that close to the airport).....right on time. I just went right back to bed, not wanting to face the empty house at the moment.
It was fitful sleep that I got, full of dreams of sitting at the airport....and his face....and his voice. I'm so used to him being there that every time I woke up I was surprised to find his side of the bed empty. I just turned over and went back to sleep again to avoid the realization. It was just a little awful to wake up alone.
You have to get up sometime, though. And I need a day to myself, to mope and look like crap and just get it out of my system. And I have lovely Jem to accompany me. The two songs I posted on my blog echo true to how I feel, so they provide me with an outlet...and some comfort. Tomorrow, it's back to my solitary routine. I foresee lots of baking as distraction and for the holidays, less eating as I've gained some weight, and lots of catch up knitting for Christmas presents.
There is a silver lining to all this, though. At the end of this R&R we only have a little over 2 months left of this tour! December, to me, doesn't count because I know it's just going to fly by because I need more time to finish knitting and baking Christmas presents. Then there's January and the short month of February, and he's back home sometime in March!