It's so nice to see a fellow milspouse reunited with her husband. It really makes me happy. I remember when she stopped by the lab earlier and we got to talking about how much deployment sucks. She was talking about how sometimes her son would do something cute and how hard it was for her that her husband wasn't there to see it, and how sometimes how her son looked so much like her husband. I remember how she was holding back her tears, trying to hold it together as she was saying all this. It's a stark change to how I saw her today. She was just so happy, and offering to help out in any way that she can, since she knows what I'm going through.
Seeing her happy gives me hope and something to look forward to, because my time is coming too. Although I'm at the top of the emotional rollercoaster now, there still are times when I'm reminded of Jon.
Case in point, last weekend I went to see You Don't Mess With the Zohan by myself. This is the kind of movie I would normally watch with Jon because it's his favorite kind of movie. I probably wouldn't have seen it at all, except he was telling me he really wanted to see it after he saw the preview for it on some DVD he just watched. As weird as it may sound, I went and saw the movie because I felt like it connected me with my husband. As I sat there in the dark watching the previews to other comedy movies coming out this summer, I was hit with an overwhelming feeling of longing: at that moment I missed my husband more than I've missed him in a while. In my case, with more time spent apart, the "missing" has numbed down. For me it is a dull ache that doesn't go away--it's noticeable, but it's tolerable, much like a dull headache. But at that moment when I looked over at the empty seat beside me where Jon would be sitting, I felt my heart wrench. I pictured him sitting there laughing his ass off at the ridiculous scenes being played on the screen, and looking at me to see if I appreciated it as much as he did--God I miss his laugh. I'm just glad it was dark in there because people would probably think I was crazy for crying during a comedy!
Thankfully, moments like these are rare, otherwise I'd be walking around with red, swollen eyes all the time! Jon and I have been talking on Skype as much as we can, and it really makes a difference to be able to see him, to see his facial expressions and mannerisms. I really get more out of the conversation, especially if he's being his usual non-chatty self. Here's a picture I'd like to share with you all (he's going to hate me for this)!
You can see yourself too when you're on Skype. See me taking the picture in the little window?
By the way, you're also looking at the new MacBook hubby bought for me. We got it for a really good price, refurbished but good as new. He bought it for me so that we can talk on video cam, as the desktop equipped with Vista simply refused to let me to connect to Skype, or iTunes store, or any program that required an Internet connection.
PC: "Internet connection not detected."
Tania: "Dammit! I KNOW there's an Internet connection! I'm checking my email at this very moment! Fuck you PC!"
I hate frickin' Vista.