Thursday, November 6, 2008

What not to say to a milspouse

I really am clueless when it comes to the Army lifestyle. I live 75 miles away from our post and I work and interact strictly with civilians. Sometimes I wish I could live on post so that I'm surrounded by people who understand the whole lifestyle.

Today, at work, I was talking about my goal to lose weight before Jon gets here because one co-worker asked me if I was going running again. I stated that even when Jon is here, I plan on working out some and maybe even making him go with me. In response, another co-worker expressed disbelief at this and told me that Jon was home for relaxation. Now, I'm not going to force my husband to work out with me. I just thought it would be nice if he could join me some time and see what it is I do while he's gone. During one of our conversations he told me how sick of the gym he was, so maybe this would be a good way to shake things up in his routine. He went through a period when he was just so down about his situation, saying that maybe 9 months was the breaking point for him and how he should have scheduled his R&R earlier. He was getting sick of the routine, just going to 3 places every day for so long: his room, his office, and the gym. 

I was telling all this to my co-workers and didn't know what to say when the response was "And he's complaining?" and "I do that!" I was so upset! I remember I did respond, but don't remember what I said to defend my husband. I'm sure it was lost anyways, as they moved on to a different subject. I was almost in tears. When I get that upset, a horrible lump forms in my throat and the tears come next--I hate it. I wish I didn't cry for everything lately. Why did they say all that? Even if it was in a joking manner (which I kind of doubt), I didn't like it one bit. I thought these people, of all people, would be a little more sympathetic. They just don't understand. Hell, I don't even understand what my husband has to go through! Maybe they do just follow the same routine every day, but they choose to. Are they 7,000 miles away from their families? No. They get to go home to their families at the end of every day. If they have a hard day at work, they can choose to sit back and unwind, maybe even throw back a cold one. My husband can't do any of that. He complains he can't get away from work, and even then, what else is there to do? He just ends up going back in. And we all know about General Order No. 1. so no stress relief with alcohol. Which reminds me, Jon has taken up smoking cigars as stress relief and for camaraderie. He's not a smoker by any means, so I laughed when I found that out when an invoice for said cigars was mailed to me. 

Anyways, had to get that all off my chest. I think I about exploded. I forgot about it during my kickboxing class, but thought about it again in the shower. That lump wouldn't go away and I couldn't stop crying, I was so mad! How dare they take for granted what my husband is doing right now! They made it sound so trivial! I really wanted to throw something back in their faces and make them eat their own words, but I bit my tongue. I'd like to see them go over there for 15 months, no, even "just" 12 months without seeing or being able to hold their babies, or kiss their spouses, or do whatever they want, because freedom is very limited in our soldiers' world. Maybe I'm being hypersensitive about the whole thing, but I think I have a good reason. I mean, it's been a year, almost to the day(27 Nov 2007), since I saw Jon. But I feel better now. Really.


d.a.r. said...

Oh I would have been really frustrated too!!! Sometimes, people just REALLY don't get it!

Sara said...

There's just no getting around ignorant people.No use arguing with them. I would've given them a piece of my mind, but possibly at the expense of my career too. It doesn't sound like you work with very nice people. They sound very young too. The best support I've ever gotten has been from older conservative people. I guess that's an upside to republicans. He'll be home soon. Just keeping trudging through.

Val said...

They don't get it.... I'm sorry. He is doing so MUCH for us, for THEM and they just don't undertand and won't understand and so often choose NOT to undertand.

((((hugs)))) to you.

Tania said...

Thanks for the comments ladies. These people aren't bad in any way, just inexperienced, which makes it easier for stuff like this to come out of their mouths. I know they didn't mean to piss me off, they just didn't think. Funny thing is, one of them is uber conservative, but he was the one who was just joking. The others, not so much.

loquita said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
loquita said...

This is exactly why I try my best to not talk about LT at work... There was one incident where I was nearly driven to physical violence -- I have never wanted to punch somebody in the face more than I did that day. ARGH!

Glad you got this off your chest. *hugs*

Note: I "outed" LT with his real name, so that's why I deleted my last comment. I'm a dork. :-p

Jaime said...

It's a shame when things like this happen because oftentimes, as you said, people don't think.

I'm sorry it got you upset *comfort*!!